25 May 2011

The daily routine

5:45
Hear Mr. P getting ready for school. Roll over.

5:50
Drive Mr. P bonkers by hitting snooze button eleventy times.

6:05
Tell Mr. P goodbye as he leaves for school. Roll over.

6:10
Realize that snooze button rules are really not that complicated, despite the fancy rules made up in dreams.

6:12
Get up.

6:13
Stumble into kitchen, make coffee.

6:13
Stare at coffeepot.

6:14
Stare at coffeepot.

6:15
Instruct coffeepot to BREW FASTER.

6:16
Pour coffee.

6:17
Go to couch, check email, as if people are sending important emails in the middle of the night since email was last checked less than seven hours ago.

6:18
Drink coffee, read internets, tell self to get up in ten minutes.

6:28
Tell self to get up in ten more minutes.

6:38
Tell self that self will just have to get ready for work faster, because there is a very funny Cracked article that needs reading immediately.

6:40
Finish coffee. Look at clock. Swear. Exclaim, "YOU DO THIS EVERY MORNING!"

6:41
Pour coffee.

6:42
Study self in bathroom mirror. Decide hair is not so greasy, does not need washing.

6:42
Run a bath. Avoid doing mental calculations for how long it has been since washing hair.

6:43
Four days? Good grief, that's disgusting.

6:44
Bathe.

6:47
Get out of bath, wonder how that could have possibly taken as long as it did.

6:49
Slap makeup on face.

6:50
Bat eyelashes, fall in love with this particular brand of mascara all over again.

6:52
Realize this is no time for eyelash batting. Get dressed.

6:54
Hear weather report on local news. Consider changing clothes, realize there is no time, grab a cardigan because they are so often the solution to life's problems.

6:56
Debate brushing hair, decide it's probably for the best.

6:57
Watch as hair gets fluffy. Swear.

6:58
Put sunglasses on like a headband to combat fluffiness.

6:59
Notice overcast sky without a ray of sunshine in sight.

7:00
Hear opening strains of Today Show music. Decide to look ridiculous and wear sunglasses on head anyway.

7:01
Realize how long hair taming took. Simultaneously brush teeth and find shoes.

7:03
Try to remember if any lunch was leftover at work. Remember that there is probably a banana, so pack a yogurt and granola bar.

7:05
Out the door!

7:05
Realize laptop/umbrella/phone/important package to mail was forgotten. Run back inside.

7:06
Out the door!

7:07
Look at car clock. Swear. Exclaim, "YOU DO THIS EVERY MORNING!"

7:07
Drive cautiously through subdivision to avoid stray children.

7:08
Realize children mean there is probably a school bus in vicinity.

7:09
Get stuck behind school bus.

7:10
Jiggle leg. Resign self to taking a later train.

7:11
Get around school bus. GO GO GO!

7:12
Notice traffic backed up around stoplight, turn to take residential road instead.

7:12
Get stuck behind neighborhood's slow-driving residents. Exclaim, "YOU DO THIS EVERY MORNING!"

7:13
Turn onto straightaway toward train station. GO GO GO!

7:14
Squint into distance looking for train lights. See none, decide train has come and gone. Re-resign self to taking a later train.

7:14
Floor it anyway.

7:15
Turn into train parking lot. Notice train lights have come on!

7:15
Swerve into parking spot.

7:16
Walk to platform, trying to keep a cool air of "I meant to just arrive because I knew the train would be a minute late and I am far too busy to wait."

7:16
Realize it is ridiculous to appear fashionably late for a train.

7:17
Board train, scout for seat in balcony of Quiet Car with fellow commuting misanthropes.

7:18
Breathe. Look around train at men and women who clearly took more than ten minutes to dress for work. Feel a little frumpy in the cardigan, decide it is perhaps not so great after all.

7:30
Arrive at downtown station, board train shuttle.

7:31
Try to look fat/threatening so no one will sit down in the adjacent seat.

7:32
Groan internally and scoot over so someone can sit down next to relatively small and non-threatening self.

7:32
Indicate that chitchat is out of the question by putting on sunglasses. Thank self for wearing them.

7:45
Arrive at work.

7:46
Put lunch in work fridge. Discover that there were no leftover bananas, but rather two yogurts and three granola bars.

7:46
Swear. Exclaim, "YOU DO THIS EVERY MORNING!"

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