03 April 2012

In which landscaping is hard, and I am right

[Whoops, today's scheduled post is going up very very late! I don't know if it's Blogger's error or mine, but let's blame Blogger even though we both know it's probably mine. Anyway, on with the show!]

Last week I filled you in on our woes and triumphs of getting our yard into shape. And I must say, I am still enjoying coming home to the nice landscaping.


It may not be manicured exactly, but at least it's not the chewed-on-hangnail mess it was before.

But I’ve got a story for you, dear readers. Those front boxwood hedges pictured above? They were the source of some landscaping drama. See, Mr. P and I have to work as a team. He can wield the electric hedge trimmers (which are NOT UNLIKE A CHAINSAW) but can’t always tell where to cut, whereas I can tell what needs to be done aesthetically but refuse to touch the hedge trimmers myself. Teamwork! Which led to this.

Mr. P.: Now that I’ve trimmed them, what do you think? More?

me: Ehhh.

Mr. P.: What? I can take more off.

me: Ehhhhhhhh.

Mr. P.: What?!

me: It’s just that I can see in my head how to trim them back just a bit more but I usually have a problem communicating what I see in my head to you and then when you try to do what I say you misunderstand somehow and it looks horrible and I end up liking it better before you do anything.

[note: This has happened so, so many times before. Also, I speak in run-on sentences in real life too.]

Mr. P.: Okay, so leave it be?

me: Maybe I should use the hedge trimmers and do it myself.

Mr. P.: Are you sure? You had to get stitches the last time you used them.

me: Ehhhh.

Mr. P.: Please tell me what you want.

me: Okay. Okay! Maybe you could cut it back to here?

[note: I never learn from my mistakes.]

Mr. P.: (begins hacking away leaving a GIANT GAPING HOLE WITH NO LEAVES JUST BRANCHES AND AN INSIGHT INTO THE GUTS OF THE BUSH, IF BUSHES HAVE GUTS, OH MY GAH YOU GUYS)

me: STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP

Mr. P.: That’s where you told me to cut.

me: I should have done it myself! I liked it better before! I was right! I HATE IT WHEN I AM RIGHT!

[end scene]

For a good half-hour I was so mad and upset (at what happened, not Mr. P) that I refused to talk about it and, most importantly for you, didn’t find it amusing enough to grab the camera and take a photo of the horrifying awfulness of a huge circle of completely missing leaves in the most obvious part of the landscaping that could not possibly grow back before our house goes on the market.

Then I set about creating a leafy combover.


Basically the left half had all exposed branches in the middle, so the right half is now directed sort of... horizontally, to cover it up. Please tell me you can’t tell.

On the upside? I successfully wielded the electric hedge trimmers myself to trim the rest of the boxwoods to my liking. And I didn’t have to go to the ER to get stitches! Forget the drama; any yardwork that doesn’t involve stitches is basically a success.

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