15 May 2015

Photo Friday #203: my first mother's day

If I may be a little overly personal for a minute: I confessed earlier this week that I wasn’t very excited about my first Mother’s Day. The reason for that, I realized, was that even now, I don’t really feel like A Mom. I don’t speak in hyperbolic terms about my heart exploding into a million pieces when Baby P smiles, or share articles about “What I knew before having a baby” (clickthrough answer: NOTHING). I don’t hear stories about “Mother’s love” and feel like they apply to me, or hear ads that start “Hey, mom!” and realize that I’m the one that should be paying attention. It’s like there is a sisterhood of moms that are very vocal online, and I don’t really fit into it. For a while, I even wondered if I was suffering from some sort of attachment disorder, because other moms reported becoming a totally different person, while I’m still basically myself. Just, you know... with a baby.

I finally realized that none of that matters, though. Maybe I don’t feel like A Mom, but I feel like Baby P’s mom. I love him, I’d do anything for him, I miss him when I’m away. He is my son, my family. When he smiles, my heart stays perfectly intact, and swells with the possibility of the awesome person that his father and I are helping him become.


I love you, kiddo. Thanks for making me your mom.

4 comments:

The Misadventuress said...

I love this so very much. It speaks to the wildly different ways we can experience motherhood, in all its complexities. There's a lot out there telling us there's only ONE right way to be a mom, only ONE right way to feel about being a mom, when really it is (and SHOULD be) much more personal than that. Hold tightly to that self-assuredness and confidence. It serves as a north star for others when you're willing to speak your truth.

Tina said...

Occasionally I read something that speaks to my heart so much that if I was into tattoos I'd have it inked on me somewhere somehow where folks could read it if I dared to bare it. Or at the very least, I'd run to Kinko's - it'd be a long run and I'm not certain they even still exist, but I'd find a place and have it made into a poster and hang it on the wall... THIS posting is definitely tattoo/Kinko worthy. I get it totally. And appreciate you finding words so akin to my own feelings - and letting me read them...
I've admired you from little bitty on and love seeing another facet of YOU surfacing that I am admiring all the more all the time.

Anonymous said...

This post is so beautiful and so very true. What a very lucky baby to have such a wonderful mom.
Love him, love you.

cindy said...

Funny because I have been enjoying the pictures of the two of you and thinking how very "attached" and comfortable you are with the baby. Hallmark and Madison Avenue create strange standards in our brains. Keep the pictures coming, I LOVE the body language and sweetness that is pictured. I have even been nostalgic and remembering "when". Enjoy this sweet time. The days are long but the years fly by!